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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980255">Carry Me Slowly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenwillow/pseuds/greenwillow'>greenwillow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Kingdom (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parenthood, Roommates, Sexual Tension, adversaries to lovers, incarceration, non-toxic masculinity, past Aethelrik, past Aldflaed (platonic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:47:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenwillow/pseuds/greenwillow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Aldhelm’s best friend dies suddenly, leaving behind a newborn daughter with no other family to claim her, he’s devastated. The prospect of raising an infant is daunting enough without the complications grief brings. When Aelfwynn's father Erik shows up after a year-long absence, Aldhelm is first forced to reckon with his own coping mechanisms, and then with his changing opinion of the other man. Erik, desperate to be in Aelfwynn’s life, hides parts of his past that might threaten his burgeoning relationship with his daughter, but regrets that decision the more intertwined his life becomes with Aldhelm's. As Erik and Aldhelm build a non-traditional family unit, their tentative friendship evolves into something more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aldhelm &amp; Hild (The Last Kingdom), Aldhelm/Erik Thurgilson, Erik Thurgilson &amp; Aelfwynn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Carry Me Slowly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>SO. So. Here we are. A fic for a crackship that has burrowed its way into my heart and taken over. (If you are one of my Aldlflaed readers, rest assured: I am still fully obsessed with them and I will continue writing for them, never fear). But I love these two also...I can't even explain it, but I can write thousands of words as I try, apparently. I will lay partial blame for whatever this is on the shoulders of kingwellsjaha (who, in their defense, did not mean to set off this wild chain reaction, and who also helped me with some names) and WildWren (who has been a key part of me both understanding Erik's character and accidentally falling in love with him). </p><p>The Major Character Death is Aethelflaed, she'll appear in flashbacks but that's all. Sorry, it hurts me too, but it's the premise of the fic. I am very into the idea of an Aldrikflaed throuple and may write it in future, but if that's a thing that intrigues you and you haven't yet read WildWren's masterpiece in progress Can't Get You Out Of My Head (the only other fic in the Aldrik tag) might I recommend that you do that because it's incredible. </p><p>I may eventually add other tags (I have the other chapters outlined but not fully written), but the main ones are included and I will be sure to give warnings at the top of each future update.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Aldhelm copes with Hild's help. Erik gets an unexpected piece of news. </p><p>Warnings for this chapter: discussion of death and loss, hospitals, implied child abuse (briefly referenced), incarceration.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>August 5</strong> </em>
</p><p>He should have known when she wasn’t back after half an hour. Not that it would have mattered, he understands this…but he should have known. He doesn’t realize how long it’s been until nearly an hour has passed. Aelfwynn wakes up from her nap, early he thinks. He picks her up and soothes her, tells her Aethelflaed will be home soon. A text from Hild pops up on his phone and he notices the time. His stomach drops. Then the call comes.</p><p>They won’t tell him anything on the phone, just confirm he’s her emergency contact and ask him to come down to the hospital immediately. He calls Hild, hands shaking a little as he tries to calm Aelfwynn—she’s hungry, he hadn't planned to prepare a bottle. Aethelflaed was supposed to be back by now.</p><p>Aldhelm finds the formula where it’s tucked away in the cabinets and manages to settle Aelfwynn. Hild arrives a few moments later, and he takes his bike and heads downtown.</p><p>He’ll never forget the walk down the hallway to her room. The smell of lavender scented cleaner which barely masks the bitterness of antiseptic, the feel of the florescent lights vibrating into his head.</p><p>There’s a curtain drawn around the bed when he reaches her room, and that’s when he knows. The lump that’s formed in his throat threatens to cut off his breathing. A doctor is waiting, clipboard in hand, professionally sympathetic expression on her face.</p><p>“Mr. Alden? I’m so sorry—“</p><p>He sinks into a chair by her bedside. He doesn’t remember much else, just the way she looks with the monitor on her left hand and the bandage on her right. The bruises on her head are still blooming.</p><p>They always say the dead look asleep, but he’s seen her sleeping a hundred times. She doesn’t look that way to him.</p><p>She’s just gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>October 12</b> </em>
</p><p>It takes a moment for Erik’s eyes to adjust to the dimly lit interior of the pub. He hesitates by the door, holding a hand to the back of his neck as he scans for a familiar face. He almost hopes he doesn’t find one.</p><p>“Oh my god…Erik, is that you?”</p><p>Eadith, the pretty redhead who used to pick up occasional shifts on weekends, is making her way towards him.</p><p>“I can’t believe it’s really you, where have you been?” she asks, wrapping him in a hug. “It’s been over a year!”</p><p>The warmth of her embrace, so freely given, is a shock to his system. He tenses by instinct and she pulls back.</p><p>“Sorry,” she asks, worried, “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he replies, trying to force a laugh, “I didn’t think anyone would be happy to see me after the way I left…”</p><p>“We were all worried!” Eadith says in that earnest, caring way of hers. “You’re ok?”</p><p>Not about to reveal that he’d been in prison for the past year, Erik mumbles a line about being caught up in some family shit, and she cocks her head and nods as if she understands, as if people in her life regularly vanished for months at a time.</p><p>“God, it really seemed like there was some bad luck hanging around this place, especially after what happened to that Aethelflaed girl…”</p><p>Erik’s pulse begins to race. Part of him has been hoping, maybe, possibly, to run into Aethelflaed. He should apologize for vanishing so abruptly. It’s not like he owes it to her, necessarily, after just a few casual encounters, but he still wants to explain himself to the last woman he’d been with.</p><p>“What happened to Aethelflaed?” he asks, and his voice sounds strange to his own ears.</p><p>Eadith looks up at him with wide eyes. “Oh shit…of course, you clearly haven’t heard…”</p><p>Erik’s mouth goes dry. “Heard what, Eadith?”</p><p>“She died,” Eadith says in a hushed tone, “Hit by a car, I think. Really sudden. She’d just had a baby, too. It was so awful…I saw it on the news, it was kind of a big story, I guess her family is well off, and the tragedy of it all—“</p><p>Her voice trails off, or maybe Erik isn’t listening anymore.</p><p>“Hey, there’s actually a pile of stuff for you in the back. We kept it in case you came by…hold on.”</p><p>Erik takes a seat. His hands are trembling, so he hides them under the bar top. He feels sick, the way he used to feel as a boy hiding from his father, who often came home looking to take a bad day out on him.</p><p>“Here,” Eadith appears on the other side of the bar and leans over the rail to place a stack of papers in front of him, her face still tinged with concern. “Can I get you anything? On me today.”</p><p>Erik orders a whiskey and begins to sort through the pile. Amidst a bunch of old notes and memos is an envelope with his first name written in neat, slanted cursive.</p><p>He downs the whiskey in one gulp and tears open the envelope.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Hey,” Hild lowers herself onto the sofa beside Aldhelm, “She’s asleep.”</p><p>Aldhelm exhales a deep breath and removes his glasses to pass a hand over his face before he looks over at her. “Thanks. I really needed a break. I don’t think I realized how hard this was going to be until now…maybe the sleep deprivation is finally setting in.”</p><p>“It’ll get easier,” Hild says gently, taking his hand. “According to those books of yours she may start sleeping through the night soon. And anyway, you don’t have to do this alone.”</p><p>Aldhelm sighs and squeezes her hand. He's past the point of constantly trying to give her a way out, by now he’s accepted he needs help and so does Aelfwynn.</p><p>“I assume you haven't had word from her parents.”</p><p>“Nothing,” Aldhelm shakes his head. “They won’t return my calls. I even reached out to her brother…can’t get through.”</p><p>“They don’t really seem like the kind of people she’d want around Aelfwynn then,” Hild murmurs, and after drawing a sharp breath through her teeth she asks, “Have you had any luck finding the guy?”</p><p>“I’ve looked, she did too, before…” Aldhelm trails off, staring into space for a moment. “It’s difficult, without a last name. Apparently, the one he gave to his employer was fake. But…I don’t know what I’d do if I found him, anyway.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean…he either totally abandoned her or he’s dead too,” Aldhelm says darkly. “She didn’t talk about it much, but I know it hurt her. What kind of person does that? Probably not someone you want raising your child.”</p><p>Hild makes an affirmative sound and leans her head onto Aldhelm’s shoulder, sending a wave of affection through him.</p><p>“Thanks for…well, everything,” he murmurs, “I don’t know what I’d do without you right now.”</p><p>“Probably forget to feed yourself.”</p><p>He breathes a soft laugh.</p><p>“We should get to bed,” she murmurs, but doesn’t move.</p><p>He nods, but he’s too warm and comfortable and exhausted to move, even though he knows he’ll be sore when he finally gets up. Before long, they’re both drifting off to sleep, Hild’s head still resting on his shoulder.</p><p>It feels like only five minutes later that Hild prods him in the ribs, startling him awake. “Someone at the door,” she moans groggily, eyes still closed.</p><p>“Mmmmmm? Who?” Aldhelm says, rubbing his face and looking at his watch.</p><p>“No idea,” she mumbles. Then she curls over on the sofa to let him up.</p><p>Aldhelm appreciates her straightforwardness as a rule, but he appreciates it slightly less at 11:00 pm when they haven’t slept through the night in weeks. He runs a hand through his hair and rolls his neck, wincing at the discomfort, then flicks on the entryway light as he walks to the door.</p><p>A stranger is waiting on the stoop—a man about the same height as Aldhelm, with a wide handsome face and something of a rough look to him. Aldhelm instinctively tightens his hold on the doorknob and narrows his eyes in suspicion. He’s probably lost, but it’s late for an unexpected visit.</p><p>“Can I help you?”</p><p>The man shifts nervously on his feet, reticent to answer. Aldhelm notices he’s got a duffel bag slung over one shoulder and his blond hair is badly in need of a trim.</p><p>“Is this…was this…did Aethelflaed Saxe-Wesser West live here?”</p><p>He says her name deliberately and awkwardly. As if he’d been practicing it. As if it sticks to his tongue. Aldhelm frowns. The only people who had come asking about Aethelflaed since the accident were reporters, and this man certainly was not a reporter.</p><p>“Yes. Is there something I can help you with?”</p><p>The man flexes his fingers over the shoulder strap of his bag and wets his lips.</p><p>“I…I’m Erik,” he says. “Erik Thurgilson.”</p><p>Aldhelm’s stomach drops. </p><p>“You’re Erik,” he repeats, letting the news sink in.</p><p>Somehow, this Nordic-looking vagabond isn’t who Aldhelm had pictured when Aethelflaed had told him about Aelfwynn’s father.</p><p>“Yeah,” the man replies, his nervousness increasing. “I think…I think…her daughter…is also my daughter…”</p><p>Aldhelm bristles. “You…<em>think</em>?”</p><p>Erik exhales a nervous breath and shoves a hand into his pocket. “They told me what happened, down at the pub where I used to work, where I met Aethelflaed…well, they told me part of it, I looked it up…anyway, she left me a letter…”</p><p>He pulls a folded envelope from his pocket and hands it to Aldhelm.</p><p>Aldhelm recognizes her handwriting immediately, and he feels a familiar pang in his chest. He has trouble focusing at first, but the note is short and direct and appears to confirm the man’s story. What it doesn’t begin to explain is why he’s only showing up now.</p><p>“Sorry, where have you been for the past year?” Aldhelm asks, trying to keep his tone marginally friendly as his eyes dart between the letter and Erik’s face. “She tried calling you dozens of times. She never heard back.”</p><p>Erik’s look is sheepish as he replies, “I never got her messages…lost my phone when I, ermmm…left town. Had a family emergency.”</p><p>A vague excuse, but he does seem genuinely ashamed. Perhaps even upset.</p><p>“So,” Aldhelm takes a deep breath. “You were MIA for months and now you’re back, and you want…what, exactly?”</p><p>Erik swallows, shifting on his feet again, but there’s a glimmer of hostility behind his eyes. “I want to do the right thing. Who are <em>you</em>, anyway?”</p><p>“I’m her friend,” Aldhelm says sharply. “I was here for her when you disappeared, and I’m here for Aelfwynn now—“</p><p>“Aelfwynn?” Erik’s face softens. “Is that her name?”</p><p>Aldhelm crosses his arms, defying whatever sympathetic reflex he has to take hold. “Yes, it is.”</p><p>“Aldhelm?” Hild is standing behind him in the entryway now, wearing a troubled look and waving away a yawn. “What’s going on? Who’s this?”</p><p>Aldhelm hands her the envelope. “<em>This</em> is Erik.” </p><p>“Oh? <em>Oh</em>,” Hild says, her eyes widening with realization as she skims the letter. She steps in line with Aldhelm’s shoulder to get a better look. “Seems like you’re in from out of town…do you have somewhere you’re staying?”</p><p>“Not…not really…”</p><p>He clearly doesn’t have the money, thinks Aldhelm, eyes sweeping over the threadbare jeans, scuffed boots, and seasonally inappropriate jacket the other man is wearing.</p><p>“I’d be happy to get you a hotel room,” he says.</p><p>Erik winces. “That’s…ehhh…nice, but…”</p><p><em>This isn't a halfway house for deadbeat dads</em>, Aldhelm thinks. Out loud he says, “What exactly are you here to do?”</p><p>“I’m here to meet Aelfwynn,” Erik says, brows knit in determination. “I know it’s late, I’m sorry—is she sleeping?”</p><p>“It’s the middle of the night, of course she’s sleeping.”</p><p>Erik frowns. Aldhelm glares back.</p><p>Hild places a hand on Aldhelm’s arm. “We’re all a little tired and overextended right now,” she says as if to calm him. “We can offer Erik a place for the night, don’t you think?”</p><p>Aldhelm studies at the other man’s face, trying his best to see some glimpse of Aelfwynn’s features. It might just be his exhaustion, but Erik does appear to have her eyes and nose.</p><p>Hild nudges him gently.</p><p>“Fine,” Aldhelm says coldly. “You can sleep on the sofa.”</p><p>He steps to the side, allowing the door to fall open.</p><p>“Let’s all try to get some sleep,” Hild says, “and we can talk in the morning, alright?”</p><p>Erik hesitates, but Aldhelm uncrosses his arms, shrugging his shoulder to the side. Erik gives him a stiff nod and follows Hild into the living area.</p><p>“I’m Hild, by the way,” she says, handing him the letter back. “I’m a friend of Aldhelm’s. Do you need anything? Toothpaste, soap?”</p><p>Hild is being a very charitable hostess despite the fact they know nothing about this person. At least Aldhelm doesn’t have to pretend be the gracious one.</p><p>“I’m all set, thanks,” Erik says, gingerly placing his bag next to the sofa, a self-conscious look in his eyes as he turns to Aldhelm.</p><p>“Can I see her? I mean, not now, but when can I see her?”</p><p>“When she wakes up,” Aldhelm replies stiffly.</p><p>Erik frowns, but Hild intervenes. “She usually wakes up around 3:00 for a bottle, then goes back to sleep for a few hours. You can see her then, right Aldhelm?” She looks to Aldhelm, though she’s still speaking to Erik. “I can get you…”</p><p>“I’ll do it,” Aldhelm says.</p><p>Erik nods.</p><p>Aldhelm turns on his heel and heads for the second bedroom, leaving Hild to provide blankets to their unwanted guest.</p><p>He gathers a few blankets of his own and is just heading down the hallway when Hild joins him.</p><p>“You’re going to sleep in her room, aren’t you?”</p><p>Aldhelm nods, waiting for her to tell him he’s overreacting.</p><p>“I thought you would,” Hild sighs and hands him a pillow. “Use this one, it’ll be better for sleeping on the floor.”</p><p>“You’re not going to tell me I’m being rude?”</p><p>Hild raises an eyebrow. “Seems you’ve come to that conclusion on your own.”</p><p>“Hmmm.”</p><p>“This is…unexpected,” Hild continues gently. “For you, but also for him.”</p><p>She’s right, but it does not serve to decrease his irritation.</p><p>He opens the door to the other bedroom carefully. The white noise machine is on; Aelfwynn doesn't stir in her crib.</p><p>Aethelflaed’s bed is still there, but Aldhelm hasn’t been able to bring himself to sleep in it. Hild hasn’t pushed him on it either. They alternate between the sofa and the guest room bed on the nights she stays over (which, now that Aelfwynn is teething, are frequent).</p><p>Aldhelm lays one of his blankets on the carpet and pulls the other up over his chin. He’s usually exhausted enough to fall asleep almost immediately, but tonight it takes him a while to unwind. The presence of a stranger (whatever his biological ties to Aelfwynn were, he was still a stranger) merely a few rooms away nags at his mind even as his limbs radiate with fatigue.</p><p>Aelfwynn is awake for her bottle like clockwork, and Aldhelm has just wiped the sleep from his eyes and gathered her, small and squirming, in his arms when he hears the door creak open behind him.</p><p>Erik is hovering in the doorway, holding a bottle of formula.</p><p>“Hild showed me how to heat it up…I set an alarm…”</p><p>Aldhelm accepts the bottle with a tight nod and takes a seat in the armchair in the corner, and soon Aelfwynn is on her way to contentment. The room is silent except for the small sucking noises she makes as she eats.</p><p>Erik stands ill at ease. He’s completely out of his element, but he barely tears his eyes away from Aelfwynn, a mixture of awe and pain on his face. Aldhelm feels a little guilty for being so abrupt earlier. Whatever family situation he’d been embroiled in probably wasn’t his fault, and neither was coming home to…whatever this was.</p><p>“You want to hold her?” he hears himself asking begrudgingly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Erik’s voice breaks a little as he replies.</p><p>Aldhelm stands to switch places. “Be careful to support her head,” he says in a low voice as he hands her over. Erik doesn’t take offense, he seems genuinely glad for the advice.</p><p>“Thanks,” he murmurs once he’s seated, not looking up from her face.</p><p>The sleeves of Erik’s henley are rolled to the elbow, revealing muscular arms with a few scattered tattoos that don’t quite look professionally done. Aldhelm tries to withhold his judgment. Despite his rough appearance Erik is cautious with Aelfwynn, he had to admit. Aldhelm remembers how terrifying it had been the first time Aethelflaed had handed her to him. If he was honest, he barely felt more competent now, but given that Aelfwynn was almost six months old he was less afraid that looking at her the wrong way would break her.</p><p>When she finishes her bottle she’s already halfway asleep. Erik hands her back gently, careful to keep his palm splayed wide under her neck until she’s in the crook of Aldhelm’s arm.</p><p>Aldhelm lowers her into the crib without resistance—a skill he's quite proud of at this point—and turns back to Erik.</p><p>“That’s it. She’ll be up again at 7:00 or so. We can talk then.”</p><p>Erik nods, picking up the bottle and flexing his fingers around it nervously. His gaze darts between the makeshift bed on the floor and the mattress. When his eyes land on Aldhelm’s face, Aldhelm sees his confusion melt into understanding.</p><p>“See you in the morning. Or—later.” He rubs his forehead and winces, then tiptoes carefully out of the room.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“So, how is this going to work?” Erik asks bluntly.</p><p>Hild and Aldhelm exchange a glance across the table, then Hild quietly stands to go refill her cup of coffee from the pot. That seems to indicate to Erik that Aldhelm is the one in charge here. Aldhelm appears to be Hild’s connection to Aelfwynn, whatever his relationship to Aethelflaed had been.</p><p>“Do you have plans, now that you’re back in town? A…source of income?” Aldhelm asks, touching the wire-framed glasses on his nose.</p><p>Erik winces. Aldhelm has the tone of someone interviewing him for a job, and he wasn't feeling too confident on that front.</p><p>“I don’t have anything lined up yet. But I’ll find something.”</p><p>He tries to project more positivity than he feels. Maybe Dagfinn still owned that garage. If worst came to worst, he could get his job at the pub back, probably. He’d been a popular face when he’d worked there. He’d prefer not to relive what were now painful memories…but he’d do it. He didn’t have a plan at all other than that. He hadn’t known what to expect when he’s been released. Almost everyone he knew, he knew through Sigefrid, and he wasn’t about to go down that road again.</p><p>Aldhelm is studying him intensely, as if looking for cracks in his armor. Erik forces a watery smile, then asks the question that’s been on his mind since last night.</p><p>“So…money.”</p><p>Aldhelm raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“Does…I mean, I know Aethelflaed was…” he trails off, not sure how to keep up the same fearless energy.</p><p>“The house, which was hers, is now in my name,” Aldhelm says matter-of-factly. “She had papers of guardianship drawn up after Aelfwynn was born. It was…” he clears his throat and glances down at his coffee cup. “It was touch and go for her, for a minute. She wanted things to be in order, in case…”</p><p>Erik nods, glancing up at Hild to give Aldhelm some reprieve. Hild gives him a flat smile.</p><p>“Anyway, her parents cut her off after she left her ex-husband, but she had the house, and she put all the money that wasn’t tied up into a fund for Aelfwynn. She’ll be fine for school, university too.”</p><p>Erik sighs in relief. “That’s good. Great.”</p><p>“I still work, of course,” Aldhelm says in a somewhat stern tone. “We can’t dip into the fund, she gets access when she's eighteen. And there are a lot of expenses. Hild helps out with the childcare right now, but there’s the cost of formula, nappies, clothes—”</p><p>“Right, of course,” Erik says, feeling stupid not to have known. “I’ll help out, once I get a job, I promise.”</p><p>Aldhelm nods, apparently satisfied with this answer, at least for now.</p><p>“I’d like to help take care of her, too,” he adds. “I can do that right away, while I look for a job.”</p><p>He’s sure that Aldhelm is going to ask for a CV and qualifications, but instead, he says, “Of course. It will be good for her to know you, if you intend to stick around.”</p><p>He almost makes it sound like it’s not an insult.</p><p>They hear Aelfwynn crying now, meaning she’s up from her first nap of the day—Erik is as yet unsure how many she’s supposed to have in total. It seems complicated.</p><p>Aldhelm makes to stand up, then seems to remember Erik is there and glances over at him, as if to delegate this task. Erik has a sense he will need to hit the ground running, but he’s eager to do so.</p><p>“I’ll get her,” Erik says, leaping up. “Be right back.”</p><p>Aelfwynn is squalling with discontentment, in need of a dry nappy. Aldhelm had shown Erik how to change her earlier that day, but this is his first time solo.</p><p>Erik is as slow and careful as he can be lifting her out of the crib and onto the changing pad, and a huge wave of relief sweeps over him once he’s done. He’s just preparing to bring her back to the others when she reaches out to grab his finger and he's pretty sure his heart stops.</p><p>She has a brightness and tenacity in her eyes that’s a perfect miniature of his memory of Aethelflaed. She’s so small and fragile but she’s holding onto him with an iron grip and looking him dead in the eye with a fiercely curious expression.</p><p>“Hey,” he whispers in a husky voice.</p><p>She blinks and makes a cooing noise. It’s the most incredible thing he’s ever seen. All the shit he’s been through in his life, the hell of the past year, all melts away.</p><p>He hears a noise and turns to find Aldhelm in the doorway, clearing his throat to announce his presence.</p><p>“Wanted to make sure you were getting on alright,” Aldhelm says in a clipped tone, like he’s slightly embarrassed to have interrupted.</p><p>“Fine,” Erik says, picking Aelfwynn up and resisting the urge to immediately hand her over. “What do we do now?”</p><p>“Usually on Sundays we walk down to the park,” Aldhelm says, putting a careful eye to the way Erik has done up the snaps on Aelfwynn’s romper.</p><p>“Sounds fine,” Erik says cheerfully.</p><p>The park is sure to be full of distractions which might help alleviate the tension between them. At the very least, Erik will take advantage of all the fresh air he can get now.</p><p>Hild has a shift at the small worker-owned cooperative bakery where she works, so after Aelfwynn has her bottle Aldhelm grabs the pushchair and shows Erik how to safely strap her in.</p><p>“She’ll be warm enough?” Erik asks.</p><p>Aldhelm cocks his head. “She’s wearing a coat, hat, mittens, and she’s got a blanket on. How cold do you think it is?”</p><p>Erik shrugs. “I don’t know…she’s so small.”</p><p>“The rule is, they wear one more layer than you wear,” Aldhelm explains.</p><p>Erik nods. Somehow, the weight of all the information he’s behind on hasn’t crushed him yet. He catches a glimpse of the bookshelf behind Aldhelm. There seems to be a collection of parenting books on one of the middle shelves—he sees chubby baby faces on a few of the spines.</p><p>Then he sees a photo of Aethelflaed and he exhales a shaky breath.</p><p>She’s smiling, holding a baby Aelfwynn to her chest—it was probably taken in hospital, she’s wearing a gown and Aelfwynn looks impossibly tiny. He’d known he missed that moment and many more, intellectually known it, anyway—but the emotional reality begins to set it, and it’s a heavier burden than he’d anticipated.</p><p>“You alright?” Aldhelm says. It’s more a statement than a question.</p><p>“Fine,” Erik replies, clearing his throat and pulling on his denim jacket.</p><p>“Not to rehash this,” Aldhelm says, giving him a skeptical glance up and down, “but will you be warm enough?”</p><p>Erik has to laugh. “I…guess I need to buy a better coat. I didn’t need one where I was.”</p><p>He tries not to wince at the realization he has almost let an unacceptable detail slop.</p><p>“And where was that, exactly?” Aldhelm asks as they navigate their way down the front steps.</p><p>“Dorset,” Erik lies.</p><p>Aldhelm looks over with an eyebrow raised. “Yes, it’s notoriously balmy year-round in…Dorset.”</p><p>“I’ll buy a new coat.”</p><p>Aldhelm pulls the scarf from around his neck and hands it over. “At least wear this, for now. I don’t really need it.”</p><p>His wool jacket does seem fairly warm, so Erik accepts.</p><p>They don’t talk much on their excursion, Erik intermittently enjoying people watching and seeing Aelfwynn play with the toys that hang from the bar of the pushcart.</p><p>Aldhelm seems to enjoy the silence and honestly so does Erik. It’s a relief not being forced to think through the implications of every single word that comes out of his mouth. So far, he’s doing alright.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“How long were they together?” Erik asks Hild that evening when Aldhelm is in the shower. Aelfwynn has been asleep for about half an hour, and he’s helping Hild make dinner. “Aldhelm and Aethelflaed, I mean?”</p><p>Hild looks up from the cutting board in surprise. “Oh, they weren't together. They were just really good friends.”</p><p>“Oh,” Erik says, genuinely surprised. “I assumed—“</p><p>“They were very close. Probably more like family than friends, honestly,” Hild continues. “Aldhelm’s own family was never very supportive,” —Erik isn’t sure what Hild means by this, but he doesn’t think it appropriate to ask— “and Aethelflaed’s parents…well, you know. But they always had each other.”</p><p>“She didn’t tell me much about her ex,” Erik admits, “but he sounded like a shit partner.”</p><p>“He’s absolute scum,” Hild says coolly as she opens a tin of diced tomatoes. It’s a pretty harsh judgment coming from her, so Erik assumes the ex must really have been a dick. “Aldhelm was his friend first, but he took Aethelflaed’s side in the split. There may have been something there, at one point, but then they both dated other people…what they had transcended a romantic connection, I think. She really was his person, you know. It’s been hard. I know it is for you, too, but—“</p><p>“No, it’s different,” Erik agrees.</p><p>Aldhelm rejoins them now, still drying his dark hair with a towel. His glasses are slightly fogged and the t-shirt he’s wearing clings to his body in a way that makes Erik realize he hasn’t given his arms enough credit until this point. He catches Erik’s eye, and Erik nods stupidly as if to say “welcome to your kitchen.”</p><p>Aldhelm gives him a funny half-smile and pulls a bottle of wine from the rack on the end of the kitchen island.</p><p>“Wine, Hild?” Aldhelm asks, producing a wine key and retrieving a few glasses.</p><p>“Yes, please.”</p><p>“Erik?”</p><p>“Sure,” Erik replies without thinking.</p><p>He’s going to have to be careful to keep his story straight, but one glass of wine will be fine. It’s not like after one glass of wine he’ll spill the entire messy story of where he’s been the past year. He’s smarter than that.</p><p>Aldhelm hands him the drink, and Erik murmurs his thanks.</p><p>By the end of the evening, he feels a bit less like he’s being surveilled. Still, Aldhelm hasn’t let his guard down, as much as Hild attempts to keep things light.</p><p>Learning how to take care of a baby might be the easiest part of this whole mess.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! If you'd like, you can reblog the photoset <a href="https://aadmelioraa.tumblr.com/post/641297389453541377/rated-e-warning-major-character-death-when">here.</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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